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Off Limits

Love is simply complicated. He’s deeply in love with her but she’s not into him. She thinks he is everything she’s looking for in a man but there’s no chemistry or feelings of love. Finding good love with someone who share your feelings is a wonderful thing but the process of doing so can be difficult. So what happens when that mutual attraction and the feelings of love developing with a person who is already on someone else’s arm and off limits. Some people say you can’t help who you love. If that is true and you can’t control who love, should dating someone in the same family or same friend circle be off limits? How do you handle developing feelings for someone who is deemed off limits? Should you try to maintain a friendship with someone you share a mutual attraction with?

Moving on

Love and relationship doesn’t always work out as plan. In the Trifling Ways book discussion, the question was posed should you take a break from dating after a relationship doesn’t work out? Is fair to use a person to get over someone else? Do you feel people jumping from one relationship to the next contributes to the cycle of hurt people hurting people? Every breakup is different. Some instances you need time to heal before moving on. Other times you have to force yourself to let go and move on quickly or risk all those emotions swallowing you whole. Whatever the scenario, be honest with yourself and who ever you decide to move on with. Allow the person you’re trying to move on with to decide if they want to gamble on you. If a guy tells a girl that him and his ex just broke up but they are wavering back and forth on getting back together, at least the woman knows the risk of getting involved with him. If things don’t work out and he ends up back with his ex, she will still be hurt. However, it’s nothing like the hurt she would have experience if she was blindsided by it. Being blindsided, makes people feel like they were deceived, lied to and maliciously used which intensifies the hurt of no longer having the person in their lives. Be honest. Most people will take a chance on you and love unless you tell them something that is a personal deal breaker for them. If the person can’t respect your honesty, maybe you should consider moving on with someone else. Are willing to be honest or will you manipulate the situation to increase the chances of a favorable outcome?

The Gift Within

People are attracted and drawn to the beauty outer packages. Many believe the way the gift is wrapped is an indicator of its content. The most important thing is not the outer package of the gift, it is what is inside the box. If people were presented two gift boxes, one wrapped in newspaper and the other in beauty expensive wrapping paper, most people would choose the pretty gift box. The box wrapped in newspaper contains an expensive diamond studded watch. The box wrapped in the beauty and expensive paper is empty. Most people if they knew the contents of the box would have chosen of the watch. What you see on the outside isn’t always what you get. The beauty within can’t be defined by what is seen on the outside. The most beautiful and attractive package can lack content. People get so caught in the outer appearance of other individuals that they forget that true beauty is on the inside. The outer physical package can change over the time but the beauty within remains the same.

The most attractive people are those who personality light up a room. They bring peace, love, joy, happiness and laughter every where they go. The individuals that will encourage, support and stand by a friend as they pursuit their dreams regardless of whether they agree with it or not. Think of the people that will be at their friend’s side if they are in need despite being tired. People that would never belittle a person to make themselves look better. Those are some of the most beautiful individuals in the world. The most unattractive people are the ones that suck the life out the room. They change the atmosphere to discontentment, distrust, distress and bring heaviness into a room. The spotlight must be on them or they are not happy and if they are not happy then no one present will be happy. They are mean, inconsiderate and look down on others because of their beautiful outer wrapping.

Selection based on outer wrapping of the person does not necessarily indicate gift within. Some exquisite gifts are wrapped in beautiful outer packaging and others are not. The gift inside is no less exquisite because they are not wrapped in pretty paper. Once you unwrap the box, the outer packaging is longer the focus but what is inside. There are some people that only associate with people that have the beautiful outer physical package regardless of their personalities. People are a reflection of what’s on the inside. If a physically beautiful person is mean, selfish and uncaring, eventually you stop seeing the outer beauty and that person becomes ugly or not so attractive to you. If a person who less appealing to the eye is kind, giving and caring, that person inner beauty supersedes the physical attributes.

Everyone defines outer beauty different; what is beautiful and appealing to one person may not be beautiful and appealing to another. Inner beauty is truly what matters the most. The outer beauty can change over time or due to unfortunate circumstances be marred or disfigured. Most people do not consider a caterpillar an attractive creature, but inside a caterpillar is a beautiful butterfly. As the layers come off eventually what is inside the caterpillar transform what we see outside. Always remember the gift of true beauty is in not the outer package but the spirit that lies within a person.

Stay in Your Lane

Stay in your lane! It sounds harsh but what happens if you veer into a lane to you’re not to supposed to be in. The longer you’re in it the greater your risk of getting into an accident. The most important lane to pay attention to is the one you’re in. The only car you can drive is your own. Despite seeing people speeding passed you or going the wrong way, you can’t let their actions take you off course. Your lane is taking you to your dreams. It’s rarely a good thing to veer into someone else’s lane for too long. It’s all about knowing when to veer into another lane and when to get back in your own. Many people’s dreams get derailed because they didn’t stay in their lane. On the road to your dreams you will encounter people that will speed there leaving you in the dust and others that will creep there. However you need to drive at a speed you’re comfortable with and make sure you stay on your path. You have to be careful about hopping out of your lane to follow the person speeding, or staying with someone going extremely slow or blindly following the person in front of you. Timing is important. You don’t want get pulled over, in accident or get comfort hanging out behind a slow poke. While it may not feel like it, you will meet the right people at the right time to achieve your dreams. You just have to make sure you are prepared to make the most of it. Even when events have our life’s GPS recalculating our route, trust that everything will work out. Staying in your lane is about focusing on making your dreams happen and not being distracted by what others are doing to the point you wreck or delay your dreams. Definitely don’t give up on them because you are comparing yourself to someone else. Stick to your plan and your timing by staying focused and committed to making your dreams happen.

Google Them

One of the attendees at the Tainted Love book discussion wondered what Asya would have found if she had googled Vic. In the day and age of technology, information is literally at our finger tips. We can access a variety of data through our phones. The internet is a tool that could save us some drama or cause us a lot of drama. The information posted in social networks have caught up many cheaters and liars. So is googling people you date a good idea? Do you think the information acquired via the internet is accurate or can it be deceptive and lead people to wrong conclusions? Do you think it’s an invasion of privacy? Would you tell someone you google them or would you keep it a secret?

Be Who You Are

There is a difference between pushing people to achieve their dreams and trying to force them to become something they are not. Remember be who you are and don’t allow people to push you into becoming something you don’t want to be. If you healer be a healer. Don’t let people convince you to start a revolution because they want to change the world. We are each granted individual gifts and talents. One of my readers said, “He wants to save the world and I just want go get some ice cream.” You can occasional assist the person who wants to save the world but it doesn’t have to become your mission in life. You have to know who are and the extent of your talent. If you just want to get ice cream and drop it off to sick children in the hospital instead pounding the pavement all day campaigning to stop violence, it’s okay. As Iyanla Vanzant says, “Some of us are born to be active warriors and revolutionaries. Others are born to be teachers, healers, helpers, and servers.” Be who you are. You are more powerful when you work within your purpose and your gift than when you are walking in shoes that don’t belong to you.

Imprisoned

Imprisoned by certain incidents, mistakes or bad decisions. Stumbling and struggling in life because of it. Then when life finally unlocks the door to our prison, we are unable to accept our freedom remaining in the room. Can you accept that you have been released and that the things in your past that once had you ensnared don’t have to continue to imprison you?

In Denial

Some of us are in denial about why we do what we do. We have been anchored to the pain of the past by our regrets and incidents that scarred our very being. It’s killing us slowly. Insidiously eating away at our life; affecting how we live, love and function. We hold on to these things year after year continuing the cycle of hurt. Why? Because we can’t forgive ourselves or the people that have hurt us. However, it’s time to let go and truly live. Are you ready to stop ignoring the negative effects things in your past are having on your future? Are you ready to let go of the pains of the past?

Whispers of Goodbye

How do you get free when you’re entangled in a love that’s not working? Stop finding excuses to stay. Wish them well. Let them know that even in the whispers of goodbye there is still love. Say bye-bye and take your life back. Will be easy? No. Will it be worth it? Yes.