Security Blanket 

Question: Are you incapacitated by fear due to a lack of faith in the ability and skill that has been placed in you?

Book question derived from: State of Emergency: Breaking Down the Wall (Non-fiction –  Not Published)

Answer: In some areas of my life I can say no. Other areas, it’s a resounding yes. State of Emergency: Breaking Down the Wall is my spiritual journey to move passed the fear and those things that caused me to build a wall around my heart and life. I was comfortable within the situation I was in. It was my security blanket. In order to change and shift my life, I had to release it. Anytime things didn’t go as planned, I found myself returning to my comfort zone. A person holding onto a security blanket can’t grab hold of God’s blessing. Now I managed to grab a few things while holding on, but the bigger blessing I could not grab until I let go of it.

Where I went wrong is despite saying life was a journey and not a destination, I continued to treat it like a destination. When God said it was time to shift again, I realized I’d let go of one security blanket and picked up another. Most people know that I’m an author. What they don’t know is that I struggled to see my writing as a talent. It has always been a survival tool. Had my sister not asked to publish my first book, my books would still be collecting dust on my shelf. However, I didn’t put the energy necessary to improve the book chances of becoming successful because I was not confident as a writer.

That unbelief in my ability as a writer became my security blanket that allowed me to not  publish another book for about four years. Despite the request for a second book, I held on to that unbelief because it allowed me to remain where I was comfortable. I always felt out of place in a room full of writers. They loved what they did and were all about the art of writing. Writing for me is not a result of love for the craft. It took me publishing five novels to accept the title of author. Honestly, if I had not been diagnosed with Lupus, I probably would not have published another. The impact of Lupus on my life, forced me to find a project to stay sane. So, I grabbed another book off the shelf to publish. As people continued to purchase my books, I was forced to take a time out to evaluate my why behind my lack of faith in my ability to write. I had to ask myself; Why was I hanging onto this security blanket? What is it really doing for my life?

The truth I had to accept was it allowed me to stay where I was instead of working towards being the best writer that I could be. I wasn’t developing my skills because I was too busy feeding my doubts. My faith in my ability was destroyed by constant attempts to compare it to others. Even when the opportunity presented itself to promote my book, my fear had me passing on it. Why, because I was not confident in my skill. Since I stumbled into writing and publishing, I decided to stop publishing for a while. I didn’t feel I had the passion to pursue it. Yet, I seem to be unable to detangled myself from it. It was then I had to realize that I had to be patient with myself. No one was putting pressure on me to be anything but me. I had not gotten to be the way I was in a day and couldn’t expect to update my lifestyle in a day. Some areas in life I’m able to immediately implement change. In other areas it is a process and one that is not easy. All that being impatient with myself does is trips me up and sets me back.

I had to develop a questionnaire that provided me an opportunity to deep dive into the reasons behind why I was holding onto certain things in my life. While I had release some of my favorite security blankets, there were a few I took to the next phase. So I had to create a strategy that would assist me in navigating my issues and not prevent me from grabbing my blessings in the next phase of change. God wants us to constantly polish our gifts because it keeps His blessings on the forefront of our minds.

Summary of Lessons:

  • Always take time to evaluate the real reason behind you are holding onto a security blanket or a particular belief
  • Put more energy into building your dreams than doubting them
  • Don’t compare yourself to others. It handicaps your faith and has the potential to kill your dreams.
  • Be patient with yourself. The process of change is not easy.

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